Love is a Verb, Practice Daily

Let me tell you a story you’ve already experienced… 

You get into a relationship because you like this person, regardless of the specifics, there are things that attracted you to them, maybe those things aren’t present now, but they were at the time. Follow me for a second and visualize those things. Remember what it was like to have good feelings about that person. 

And things were good, the Good outweighed the Bad. It was easy to see that this person improved your life, and that caring and considering them and their wants and needs was a good use of your time because you got good feelings and support in return. Ultimately that’s why we get into relationships, we want someone to travel through time with. We want a witness, a support, a comfort, a warmth the come home to, and sometimes that’s still true, but often our relationships slip into these dynamics that shift the way we treat each other. 

We come into the relationship with expectations that were never ours to make, and not our place to hold another adult up to. Our partners fail to meet our expectations and they become resentful that they are scolded. We fall in to the pit of judgement and shame. We toss these negative feelings and thoughts back and forth to each other like a game of Hot Potato where the loser packs all of their things in a garbage bag and threatens to sleep in their car. 

It’s not like it used to be. The deal doesn’t seem sweet anymore. We exchange criticisms, make assumptions about our partner’s motives. We see their rebellion as childish and immature, fueling the desire to make more criticism and judgment. So instead of listening, we think we already know. So we interrupt. We don’t provide space. We are impatient. And lazy. Why would we keep investing in this person that we have so many bad feelings about? Maybe there is a rage that you can’t figure out where to put.

Sometimes we even make repeated attempts to destroy them into submission.

But that’s not how love works. Love is a creative force. Love is built by healing, patience, laughter, kindness, service, and thoughtfulness. If we want our relationships to continue to make sense, we have to invest good feelings into them. How do you do that when you’ve never seen a relationship work before? How can you make yourself feel differently when you feel so entrapped every day? 

It’s a process. A slow unraveling of all that doesn’t serve you. And a gradual replacement of the practice of love. 

The modeling we’ve been provided with doesn’t teach us the essential skills to having a peaceful, fulfilling, and wondrous relationship. Most of us are children of unsuccessful relationships. The kind of relationship you want, might be one you’ve never even seen before. 

Love is a verb, not a state of perpetual elation. Do you know how to practice it? 

I help women and couples set their relationship on the right track again so that they can feel peace, connectedness, joy, and love that will withstand the next storm. I focus on how we show up and what we say to each other. My methods get results fast and are safe to implement, and will make you a happier, higher quality person. Send me a PM to start our conversation, I offer free get to know you consultations over the phone. Let’s get back to where you started from. 

Published by Bonnie Stewart

Mama, wifey, relationship coach, writer, community builder, OG Flourishing Lady

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