I —honest to God—- tried traditional marriage for 🚩🚩🚩🚩 (Four!) years…
AskMe Anything.
I spent 2018 to 2020 as a surrendered wife. I’m a certified coach in the ways of becoming a surrendered wife. How to act, all the rules. I broke myself apart to fill the shape of his container.
It was a part of a last ditch experiment to see if my marriage would ever work. I thought if I truly became and acted like his Angel (by enthusiastically choosing to do whatever he wants, theoretically he would experience a heaven like landscape around him. Then maybe! He would magically become the legitimate partner that I desperately needed as a mom of two under five, relying on my parents business for charity income.
What I needed and deserved at the time wasn’t given to me. I needed someone to help me change diapers at 3 am. I didn’t need someone who slept through every single one.
I needed someone who would steadily invest in our shared home.
I am a homesteader. It was a dream I had had since I met him. He said he wanted kids, so I dreamed up this beautiful world for him. I put myself in the country and learned how to be One with the Land. But before that, much like Laura Ingalls Wilder, I became a teacher so we would have enough steady income to make a case for qualifying for a loan. I brought about 18k in savings from my parents to the marriage, which was how we were able to become millennial land owners. I have .999 acres. So close, but just shy, but the church next door gave us an easement on a strip of their land, so it’s probably actually over an acre. (See photo) None of that matters. Or does it?
We manifested this homestead for our children. I made two beautiful ones. Getting him to sign the closing documents to the house was the nearest thing to blood magic I’ve ever felt like I’ve been a part of. He had no role in the acquisition of the house other than seeing it once, and saying we should do it.
It was a monumental process to navigate to acquire the property because it needed 70k of upgrades before we could qualify for an FHA loan. But I did it. With my excellent credit score, that I’d previously used to help him restore his because he was a victim of ID theft and couldn’t navigate the system to do it on his own.
We see a steady pattern of over functioning on my part. Here I am getting THREE degrees in science and education. Here I doing every single dish that he dirtied in an effort to “make me food” but I’m happy eating simple most days, I swallowed all of it. All of everything bit of shit he fed me.
It’s a lot like the witch and Gretel actually. He was always trying to feed me so I would do things for him.
He set the rules.
I never did.
I never asked to.
I left feminism.
For four years I tried to be a traditional wife, by making all his dreams come true.
I learned a lot about Self Care and Manifesting (I was a main channel for those ideas to come to Earth, they were lessons we really needed to raise our resonating frequency or as the hippies say “raise our vibration.”)
Turns out, I just gotta be me. 🌈🦋✨
How to get a boyfriend. Hmmm maybe the question is how to get a life partner YOU actually want. Because giving away my agency to appease the power structures didn’t serve me.
It did serve me to learn how to deeply respect and love a man who was desperately broken, yet unaware of his twisted thought systems and karmic entanglements that would keep us poor and
AnXious.
But I did it. I broke out of it. 🗝️
I got out of the prison I’d always been kept in. The Emporer will remain poor.
I however, am Free.
Your Empress is here to serve and entertain your wildest dreams.
Yes and.
Let the games begin!
You might want to follow this story. Because. It’s. Big.
And it’s finally time to tell it. ✨
#sacredclowns #rainbowbridge #empresslives #yourveryownempress #love #systemicabuse #homesteading #tradwife #millenialmom #surrenderedwife
Empress of All Things 